My name is Cathy. I am a mother who lost my son to addiction five years ago. The only advice that I ever heard was tough love. Which sounds good if it works. But sometimes as a mother, all you can do is try and cry. Where I think that we can do better is to help them no matter what. When they finally make that call, help them whether they have insurance or not. Most addicts can’t afford insurance. But still they should be helped. Just help them. The advice I would give? Tell your child that you love them every day. Because you really don’t know if it will be their last day. So, no matter how hurt or angry you are… love them. Trust me, they don’t like their addiction either. The hardest thing that I ever had to do other than burying my son was when he stayed with me trying to get clean. By the third day, he couldn’t take it anymore. The only place that would take him in said that he had to be actively using. The most difficult thing I ever had to do was drive my son to buy drugs. I cried for days. My son Michael was so much more than an addict. One of those things Michael was, was a poet. I’d like to share just a bit of his writing.
I hope there’s someone out there
and I am not alone
Wandering in an endless loop
a never ending unknown
My dreams drive me to madness
their horror keeps me sane
But what inside this endless loop
can I ever hope to gain
I have a string of endless cries
from deep within my brain
So clear but yet so distant
They are driving me insane
As I have this trip with madness
I know not where it goes
But further down this road I go
To a never ending unknown
Now here I run and try to hide
and forget about it all
But still the voices haunt me
They never cease their eerie call
I hope there’s someone out there
That I am not alone
Wandering on an endless loop
A never ending unknown
-Michael
As I look into the shadows
of the life that I have lived
I wish this life would just soon end
I have nothing left to give
I’ve watched the ones I love so much Turn and leave me in the cold Without a hope, without a care
I’m left with nothing I can hold
This nightmare that I call my life
It haunts me every day
Would someone please come wake me
and show me a different way
I shed many tears of glee
Would someone please come help me
Find the shadowed part of me
My time runs even faster
Further to the depths I fall
I just wish I had a reason
For me to live at all
The darkness now encircles
So, I guess I gotta go
To a future filled with what I ask
An answer I may never know
-Michael
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